Early May 8th thoughts

i have been blessed with a mother in law that people can only dream about. She is one of my dearest friends. She is funny and smart and caring. She is intelligent and tough. She has cancer and is dying. nothing hurts me more than this. I hate this so much. She has been my mother in law for 8 months. i have only recently begun to call her Mom, and i wish more than anything that i started to do it sooner. She does not have much time left and considering the inevitable is heartbreaking a million times over.

please, if you think about it--pray for her. But, more than this--find your mother, or someone you think about as dearly as a mom and tell her you love her. love her and love her--don't let a day go by without reminding her how special she is. You only get one mom, i was blessed to have two of them.

ex-boyfriends

what is it about the ex-boyfriend? sometimes they seem to hold this imaginary power over us. like we should never think of them again, yet we do anyway. i have one friend who talks about her ex like it was yesterday and they broke up over 5 years ago. i have another friend who, i think, will spend her life constantly looking to replace the one that "got away." I just wonder if the ex-boyfriends put that much thought into their ex-girlfriends.

i dated a guy in highschool--we'd known each other for years and started dating when i was a junior and he was in college. We loved each other--truly, deeply. Great guy--we broke up just 'cause. he called me when i was in college to tell me that he was getting married. That may truly have been the most heartbreaking moment of my young adult life. the pain was so intense--although i held it together until after the phone call was over. That feeling of "that should have been me" was racing through my brain and my heart.

i never spoke to him again. i wonder about him sometimes. like is he happy? does he have kids? what is his job? i never wonder what if?, or why not?. what i do think of often is if he thinks of me? and i don't know if i would be happier or sadder if i knew the answer was yes.

i am lucky to still speak with one of my exes--one whom i love very very much. and i am glad to say the feeling of "what could have or should have been" is not there--at least i am pretty sure it isn't. He and i can laugh about old stuff now. Yet i still am so intrigued by him--like i need to make sure he stays somehow a part of my life. Is that a bad thing? i mean, should we let them go completely? or is it good if there is still a helathy relationship? i know divorced couples can do it, but isn't their bond stronger than that of "just" a couple that dated? the thing is, with this guy--i wish him nothing but happiness. i wish i could set him up with someone--he is a terrific guy and it pains me to see him not with someone. i have none of the old feelings for him--and that is true in his case also--so it shouldn't be wrong for us to talk. right? question is, how would i feel if my husband was doing this same thing? i'd like to say it would be okay....but i don't know if it would.

last one of Isabel, honest! She is just so darn cute! 

this is my niece, isabel. it is amazing that i can love a baby this much when she isn't mine. She is 9 months old and is growing so fast! i mean, my clock is ticking so loud i don't know how you people can't hear it out there!!!

my niece looks drunk--but i am sure she is not....i think i am sure.... :) 

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these are my very bestest friends in the whole wide world! They were in my wedding--WEST MILFORD REPRESENT! From top left counterclockwise:
Rebecca
Bryna
Suzanne
Alpha
me.

ARRRRRRRR, i'm a pirate! 

stole this from my friend's blog: http://www.brynasoutlet.blogspot.com/

1. What blog, other than your own, do you read the most?

I am new at this, so i don't read too much. i read my friend Bryna's, my friend Alpha's (http://www.brynasoutlet.blogspot.com/) and this new one http://hombreblanco.blogspot.com It is about this guy who teaches in a shitty Bronx high school--not mine. It is written very very well--it would make a super book or movie!

2. Are you a gadget person? Do you have the latest thingamajigs and whoozits and geegaws? What sort of gadgets do you own?

I enjoy gadgets that make my life fun--things that allow an escape from reality. i love my PS2--i love it too much though. i play a game and i lose hours and hours--seriously! like i play a video game for so long, i see it when the game is off. This is why i cannot play Grand Theft Auto, i just know i will run people over with my car!

My husband is into the entertainment gadgets--the surround sound and all that stuff.

3. If I gave you $1000 on the condition that you couldn't spend it on something responsible (e.g., bills), or save it, what would you do with the money?

This is a hard question--because i don't know how i can avoid paying bills--there are so many! i suppose if i had the money though, i would use it to go out to dinner and a show and then rent a hotel room in NYC. these are things i could not imagine doing--so frivolous, ya know. but if i had the money and i couldn't pay bills, then this is what i would like to do.


4. What are your five favorite sitcoms of all time, other than "Seinfeld" and "The Simpsons."

Easy--my favorite sitcoms are the ones that always make me laugh at least once--

Scrubs, King of Queens, Friends, Family Guy, and ...(okay this is not so easy, i don't think i have mroe than four).

5. Organize a film festival based on a theme. Choose a theme and a handful of movies with that theme, and tell us what you've chosen.

The theme would be Movies Made for Tissues:

1. Like Water for Chocolate

2. Chasing Amy

3. Cinema Paradiso

4. Shawshank Redemption

5. Of Mice and Men

If at least three out of these 5 don't produce tears, you are a cold hearted BITCH!

it looks like i got the crap kicked out of me!

yeah so like a week ago, i had my friends over for good friday. we went to church together--weird weird weird experience! (then again, isn't church usually weird in one way or another?) afterwards, we came back to my house and hung out.While they were here, my friend suzanne, decided to hip check her sister, bryna. Unbeknownst to suzanne, her decision sparked a domino effect--sending bryna into me, sending me into the arm of the futon and causing me a great deal of pain.


what i ended up with that evening was a bruise the size of an island. it is fading, but it is still huge and disgusting. it itches and feels very very strange underneath. i suppose i should get to a doctor, but with what time?


i was going to try to post the pic of my leg, but i could not figure out how to do this. it is probably a good thing anyway--my leg is gross.meanwhile, i gave blood a few days later and my arm has also ended up with an unsightly bruise.

It looks like i shot up or something--what with the obvious needle marks and brusing.Basically i am looking like a drug addict or an abused wife--neither of which i am of course (well, maybe an occasional drug user, but that isn't the same, right?)! (although it is fun asking people if they want to see my bruise!) ( i TOLD you i like the parentheses!)